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WEIGHING OUT DECISIONS

By BreakUpAdviceOnline.com Staff

How do you know when your marriage is over and if divorce is the only alternative to break the cycle of anger, distrust, and a whole lot of issues that you and your spouse have taken on throughout the years which finally weighed down your marriage?

Perhaps, you haven’t been happy for a while and after all the anger spats and arguments, you’ve finally settled in for uncomfortable silences that have successfully lessened your fights while increasing the distance between you. Perhaps although you live in the same house, and you go through the motions and outwardly, everything seems fine, perhaps deep down you know that there no longer is anything there to keep you two together.

Is this the time to file for divorce? Well it need not be.

Perhaps it’s time to really think things through and come to a decision on your own and then discuss it with your spouse and work from there. It is however important to first realize on your own what it is you want to achieve in plot out your short and long term goals. Then, see how your marriage and the state that it is in affects or is affected by these goals. Decide then how your marriage should go and discuss this with your spouse and work it out.

If you both still feel that you want to work things through, then you should talk about it further and work with a marriage therapist to work out issues and start to move forward.

If instead you both feel like you are unsure as to where to go and what to do, it might be a good idea to do a trial separation. This is something to do in case divorce seems too drastic and trying to work things out from where you are seems like a far chance in panning out. This will help both of you decide if divorce really is your lot or perhaps the distance will bring with it a fresh perspective and revive the bond that you both once had.

If none of these options hold any appeal for you and your marriage and being with your spouse has become so unbearable it has started to affect the quality of life you enjoy then perhaps it is time to divorce him. Don’t expect it to be an easy process though.

Divorce like any change can be difficult and a lot of adjustments need to made. For instance, if your marriage and time together has produced children, then that will complicate separation and divorce a little because everyone’s well being must be taken into consideration and certain laws will be put in place on everyone because of divorce proceedings.

Perhaps you’ve even hang on to the marriage longer than you really wanted only because of your children. This thinking, however well meaning is flawed. You must first be in a place or situation where you love yourself to be able to give love, even to your children. Prolonged strains in a marriage can be absorbed by your children and will affect their development and their view on life. It is best to right things that have gone wrong instead of masking them.

It is also an impossible situation to keep hanging on to something that has long gone. Perhaps your spouse has long moved on and no longer takes your marriage into consideration into his affairs. It is self defeating to keep hanging on in this case. Perhaps he’s just waiting for you to divorce him. And perhaps you’re holding out on it just to punish him. Again, this is a waste of time and energy that is better spent on moving on and getting your life in order.

Remember that divorce is an end yes, but endings are always a means to begin something else. Perhaps when you were younger, the stigma of divorce has been deeply ingrained in you which makes the decision really difficult for you now. Well whatever the reason, your one foot in the past is preventing you from truly enjoying the present and the hope that the future brings. You’ve suffered long enough trying to make things work and hanging on for as long as you can. It’s time to exhale, and be happy because you deserve it.