STOPPING DIVORCE BEFORE IT RUINS YOUR MARRIAGE
By BreakUpAdviceOnline.com Staff
More and more married couples are contemplating divorce as their answer to settle some serious differences with their partners. Statistics of divorced couples have been increasing more than ever. It seems that people look at it as a convenience that they can avail every time they get tired of their marriage. Instead of striving to make the marriage work, couples take the easier and the convenient way out of the situation. They opt for divorce.
There are many reasons why couples divorce. Of all the reasons, there are only two kinds of divorce that can happen. One is legal divorce and the other is emotional divorce. People would try to put a stop to legal divorce, thinking that it will also be able to stop emotional divorce and make things normal again. But the more that one will try to stop the legal side of divorce, the more one’s partner will resist. The more pressure one applies, the more the partner sees one’s ugly side.
There are a number of ways that couples try in order to try and stop their divorce from happening. But sad to say, what they are doing may not be effective. One of the things that most people do especially husbands is trying to reassure their partner that they will change their habits. Another is trying to say’ “I Love You” over and over again. The third mistake that partners do is trying to argue, reason and talk to each other into feeling different.
No matter how much they try to say that their partners are wrong, they still try to do the opposite. Another mistake that couples find themselves in to stop from separating is being pessimistic about the whole thing. They always say that their partners won’t ever change or would never change her mind.
What couples can do is steer clear from doing these mistakes in trying to avoid divorce. But instead, they should try to do these strategies in order to turn your tide into your favor. First you should try to apply some of your partner’s strength as your own. You should not try to clash with her. Stop trying to disagree with everything that he or she says. Stop trying to disagree with her. Stop criticizing him or her and stop complaining as well as whining about the situation.
Try to go with the flow. Try to act as if you agree with everything that he or she says. Sometimes a partner asking for divorce may have a preference over his or her negative feelings. They try put their negative feelings first and foremost in the door to their minds. And when you try to reason and disagree with them, it is like you are telling them that their negative feelings are wrong. And when you tell them that they are wrong, they get mad. That causes their negative feelings to lock the door to their minds even tighter.
Another thing that you can do is to try to act perfectly happy about everything as it is. Try to act perfectly happy and be sincere about it. Try to enjoy your own space for awhile and savor your freedom. You should try to be patient. You can't try to do this for just a week or a day or a month.
That is too short a time to switch back over to the old pressuring self. If you do this short of being patient about your situation, it is not going to work for you. You should have the resolve to do it every time you’re with your partner. You can not do it partly in just one part of the conversation and then suddenly slip back to explaining yourself about what you are doing and why you are doing it. Try to be consistent all the time.
The psychology behind all this is that you are trying to give your spouse what he or she wants. That is just exactly what he or she is trying to look for in the marriage. What they must just be looking for is being able to assert themselves. Trying to go with their flow, even when you totally disagree with what they are saying.
In the first instance that they suggest divorce or separation and you notice that they are very serious about it, try agreeing with them and respecting what they have to say. Trying to disagree or argue with them can sometimes work against you if you are trying to save your marriage. And if you are also really serious about trying to keep your marriage intact, this is one of the strategies that you can use. You might just be surprised that it works.
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