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To stay or not to stay

By BreakUpAdviceOnline.com Staff

Your relationship is far from being the most dreaded relationship any man or woman could ever have. She doesn’t nag you every time you have a disagreement. He doesn’t hit you while you are on the course of disagreement or a fight. She doesn’t tell your friends about your dirty little secrets and he doesn’t date some other woman while you’re committed. But still, something’s missing. There’s always a gap. There’s always something wrong.

And no matter what you do and what you ask him or her to do, almost everything leads to an empty feeling or plain irritation and boredom. Despite his kindness and her intelligence, you are suddenly asking this question to yourself: should I stay or should call it quits?

Deep consternation

There would always be a point in a couple’s life that the parties involved would feel the uncertainty of staying in or going out of the relationship. Many factors such as working schedule, personal habits, and even clashing of personalities may be the root of the problem.

When people are faced with this kind of problem, they feel like that they have to wait until this “phase” is through so they could sail smoothly in the relationship again. But, what if the time comes that the “phase” would seem to go on and on forever? And instead of helping you get over the uncertainty, the “phase” rapidly becomes a burning pain in your head and in your heart?

When this time comes, you would have to consider and reconsider your status in the relationship.

But before you finally decide whether you would want to go on with the relationship or finish it off, here are some of the things that you should have to consider in going through this heart-wrenching and mind-boggling decision-making process.

The first thing you should think about is your needs. Most experts would agree that a person in a relationship could still be happy if he or she tends to her own needs. You have to know it in your heart what you really want, what you really need, and what could make you really happy. As soon as you have all the answers to your personal queries, the next step to do is to let your partner know that there is a budding problem. Informing him or her that there is a problem is very important because it will make the person realize that your needs are changing. You can also ask your partner if the thought has been on his or her mind—who knows…you are both feeling the same emptiness and you’re just too anxious to admit it?

After addressing the issue, you guys have to figure out how you could fix the problem. You have to come up with a compromise that would benefit the both of you. Make sure that you are very particular and precise in voicing out your needs because it can make or unmake the relationship. However, when your partner automatically becomes defensive and would put up an invisible shield every time the issue is raised up, you should contemplate on leaving the relationship.

If you think that the problem lies not only from present, review the history of your relationship. Now that you have been together long enough for you know each other, try to recall how he or she has been at the start of the relationship. Take note of the positive and negative things that has changed. If he or she is not willing to listen to your comparisons, then the chance for the relationship to get better becomes lesser.

It pays if you learn how to draw the line in forgiveness. Although it is a good thing to learn how to let go of the simple things, you should know when to give in to their sudden gestures of kindness and make a stand. Sometimes, tolerating his or her ever-changing moods and behavior would encourage the person in doing what he or she wants without thinking how you would feel.

Lastly, learn when to trust opinions that matter. It’s natural that not everybody around you would vote for your current beau. Although it is healthy for partners to trust each other more than the hearsays, sometimes, it really pays if you would listen to some of the bad points of your partner from your friend’s point of view. It would also make you realize that if majority of the people close do not like your present partner, chances are there is really something wrong.

After contemplating on these areas, you are now ready to delve deeper for you discover if staying in the relationship is good for you or not.