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WHEN LETTING GO IS THE BEST THING

By BreakUpAdviceOnline.com Staff

So you love your wife and would do anything to keep her. Perhaps you feel you have given your all to the marriage and have no short comings. Despite all this, you feel you wife slipping away. Perhaps it is just your imagination. After all, the fights havee long died and you both enjoy a quiet if and perhaps a bit dispassionate existence.

So imagine your surprise when seemingly all of a sudden, your wife tells you she wants a divorce. What would you do?

After ascertaining that the divorce is not her idea of a joke, whatever you do, try to stay calm. Perhaps it is best to discuss this matter when you have had the time to absorb and internalize the ramifications of what she just told you.

Perhaps acting cool is not what she expects but at this point, it’s best to think things through before going into a discussion where things may be said that should be otherwise kept silent.

You will know you’re ready to talk to your wife about divorce when you have found peace in resignation after the initial inner emotional protestations. This resignation doesn’t mean you love your wife any less. It simply means that you love her more and want to make her happy even if it means letting her go.

When you are ready, ask your wife to discuss with you about the divorce. Explain you needed time to calm down and that her decision for divorce took you by surprise. Tell her also that although you know you have problems, you’ve always believed that you will get through it together and that you still love her very much and will do what you can to make her happy, which includes pushing through with the divorce if she’s sure that that is what she wants.

Perhaps at this point, if your wife is not seeing anyone else and there is no third party involved in both your sides, if her resolve about the divorce was not so strong then maybe she will rethink her decision and perhaps you two can still work it through without having to resort to divorce.

Seek out professional marital counselors and make an effort to be more communicative and sensitive to your wife. The fact that she was able to take you by surprise with the idea of divorce seems to indicate that you need a reality check about the state of your relationship.

Ascertain that you are not in the relationship because of the comfort of routine but that you are in it to promote a dynamic mutual growth and benefit between the both of you, both emotionally, intellectually and physically.
Now if after you’ve aired your side and she doesn’t retract her decision to divorce you, do not fall apart. Do not under any circumstance use the children that you never had or actually had as pawns in this situation. All of a sudden, don’t ask her to have children with you when after all this time you were sure you didn’t want any. Also don’t use the children that you do have emotional blackmail or teach them to pit one parent over the other.

Start pulling yourself and getting your act together if your wife decides that divorce is something she really wants. Don’t beg her to stay after you’ve laid all your cards on the line. Sometimes, letting the person you love most go is the best thing for all parties. It may hurt an awful lot while you go through the process of separating and then rebuilding your life. It will even be very scary. But whatever happens, know that this is not the end of the world although at certain points you will wish it were.

Remember to love yourself first and want what is best for you. In truly loving yourself are you able to truly love another and this may just be the occasion to rethink the course of your life and decide to raise the sails and start to really live your life. Remember that endings are also beginnings for something else that may be even better than what you had to say goodbye to in a previous ending.