No matter how hard you try, your partner may slowly drift away. All of a sudden you realize that what you regarded as harmony is actually a dispassionate way of living together. It will surely come as a surprise when your partner tells you it’s time to get a divorce. What should you do?

Stay Calm

Even if the idea comes as a surprise to you, don’t over-react. Let a day or two pass for you to comprehend that what was said is not a joke. Can you say no? Right at the moment, you can simply tell your partner that you can sit down and discuss the matter later. Let him or her give you a little time to absorb and understand the implication of what was just said.

Be Ready to Talk About It

As much as possible, think carefully what to say; there are things that are better kept in silence .The initial reaction to disapprove any idea to separate or divorce should be over after the shock. A peaceful resignation should come after. Resigning to the idea can be hurtful, but letting go is the best thing if you really love and care for your partner. It’s an altruistic act of giving up your own happiness for her freedom.

Discuss the Matter

After you have carefully thought about letting go of your partner, you can now discuss the issue. You don’t sound desperate when you  say that you’ve always thought you will get through tough times together, and that you still care and love him or her. Nor do you sound and that you’ll let go if that’s the only thing to make the other happy. He or she might rethink  the decision especially if there is no third party. Who knows the other’s resolve isn’t so strong as to give up your marriage. Sometimes your partner only needs space to consider all other things.

Seek Professional Help

Marriage counseling can be sought. Just talking it over with your partner may not be effectively. A lot of times, no matter how you try to deal with the matter on your own, it always go out of control and one or both of you can end up yelling or hurling hurtful words to each other. Having a marriage counselor to act as an arbitrator will give each other a chance to be truthful in revealing emotions and understanding actions that may have caused the other person’s desire to end the relationship. Marriage should encourage mutual emotional, intellectual and physical growth. Confront the problem like real adults and maybe that will make your partner reconsider the idea of divorce.

Respect the Other’s Decision

Even after a dialog, don’t keep your hopes high. Your partner may have strong resolve to end your relationship and will never retract her decision to get a divorce. You must calmly accept it without falling apart. If there are children in the middle of a breakup, never use them as pawn to let your partner stay. Never use children to emotionally blackmail your partner or cause the kids to develop contempt against your partner.

Be Ready to Set the Other Free

If your partner decides that he or she wants a divorce, pull yourself together and be strong. Never beg him or her, even if it hurts a lot.  True love is setting free. One relationship may have failed but you’ve got a life ahead of you. It may be painful but life is a constant cycle of separating and rebuilding relationships. It’s time to move on when you realize that letting go is the best thing for both of you.

When you breakup, it’s a new beginning for you. It can be an occasion to focus on other things like your own personal growth, career and happiness. It can be a new door opening to a better relationship in the future.

Breaking up need not be an art. No matter how many breakups you’ve had, it’s painful every time it happens. It may be your first breakup, but you can always do it peacefully with your ex. No need for any fights or show of bitterness; there’s no point bringing up past offense that can add to the resentment. If it’s your second or third time, shouldn’t you have learned anything from past break ups? I’m sure if your first one was bad enough, this time you want your relationship to end on friendly terms.

If you’re thinking about breaking up, here are ten tips on how to do it peacefully and start building friendship with your ex.

Admit That It’s Over

Have you accepted that indeed the relationship is over? Before you can courageously tell your partner that you’re dumping him or her, you must be very certain of your decision. Be honest about your feelings and when you tell your partner that you’re breaking up, it must be delivered with conviction.

Act on It Soon

When will you tell him or her that you are ending the relationship? Is there a right or wrong time to do it? The moment you’re sure, a breakup is what you want, you must personally end it without delay. Don’t wait until your partner is ready. That day might not come at all. Putting off the breakup might create other issues in the relationship. Decide on the place and time to break the news; think of what to say and do it immediately.

Do It in Person

Are you brave enough to break up personally? Why not. Breaking up needs a lot of courage. In the same way that building a relationship is a risk taken. Both of you built a relationship based on mutual love and respect; at least show respect by breaking up with your partner in person. Some people break up over the phone, or through letters; others let their friends give the bad news.

What is there to be afraid of? If there are any unresolved issues, it’s more advisable to personally break up with your partner. It’s your chance to pour out your emotions, without blaming or railing against each other. Hopefully before you end, you have patched some issues and will separate as friends.

Try to Keep Your Breakup Private

The world does not need to know what went wrong in your relationship. You really don’t need to post it on your Facebook page, especially if you and your ex have common friends. When breaking up, choose a comfortable place, somewhere silent and private. It can be your last date as a couple, and a friendly talk about the break up is just what’s in your mind. It’s easy for both of you to understand the situation without any distraction from the public.

Be Composed and Rational

Predict what your partner’s reaction will be? Usually external stressors and the news about you breaking up with your partner can be the last straw. If he or she becomes emotional, what will you do? Will you be ready to handle the circumstances? To avoid any emotional outbursts or insolent remarks, you have to schedule when both of you are relax. Never break up in the middle of an argument.

Be Firm But Gentle

Breaking up is not a spur at the moment decision. You have carefully thought of it. So you need to be firm and be honest about your feelings. Don’t be ambiguous. The breakup is final and it’s not just a cool off stage. Honesty is necessary, but don’t be brutally truthful. When you break the bad news, be gentle and sensitive to how your partner would feel.

Be Friends

You can remain as friends even after the breakup. Never disregard the positive attributes that your partner possesses; the same qualities that endeared you to him or her. You can let him know that you learned from the past mistakes and you value everything the he or she did for the relationship to work. Emphasize the need to move on with each other’s life.

Resolve All Issues

Make sure there’s a closure to the relationship. Before you separate as ex-lovers, tackle some issues like finances, and ownership. Leaving them unresolved will make it very difficult for both of you.

Be Hopeful

Life is just starting for you. Don’t lose heart. Breakups can be a beginning for a better relationship waiting in the future.

Focus on the Present

There’s no use crying over the spilled milk. Really. Life is too short to spend moping and darkness. Move on. Get a life. Focus on the wonderful gifts of the present time.