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Tips in establishing relationships with step-children

By BreakUpAdviceOnline.com Staff

Marrying a person, who already has children can be both a curse and a blessing depending on how both of you will handle the situation.
It’s not easy to suddenly take the place of someone significant in children’s lives especially someone as important as a mother or father figure.

Dealing with stepchildren can be a lot easier if the partner has passed away than if the couple divorced because children at these situations still harbor the hope that their parents will someday get back together even if one parent already got married. This is why stepmoms and stepdads are a hated lot because children see them as threats, the reason why their parents have not gotten back together.

But no matter how hard it will be to win them over, you have to. Part of what you have accepted when you married into the family is the task of building a relationship with them. Of course, this is not just your task alone. Your partner must also help you by talking to the children and explaining to them what the situation is.
Below are some tips that may help you establish good relationships with your step-children.

Talk it over.

Basically, younger children will be easily won over especially if they have not spent so much time with the other parent. Those who have already bonded with their moms and dads will be harder to convince as they will still hope that the family will become whole again someday. One of the important tasks that parents must take on is explaining to the children and making them understand that there really is no hope for any reconciliation. It must also be explained to them that the break-up was a mutual decision and was not in any way the fault of their new stepmom or stepdad.

Although you should not do this immediately, talking to the children and airing your side will also help ease the tension. Try to make them understand that you don’t seek to replace their mothers or fathers but you would like to be a part of their lives too. Hopefully, talks like these can help clear up the situation and prevent any misconceptions.

Lose the pride

Remember that you are the one who must make an effort. This means that you have to swallow your pride and accept numerous rejections… and there will be many coming, As mentioned before, it is not easy to win the feelings of these children. Sometimes, it will even take years before you will be able to completely earn their trust and respect. So be prepared for a rough and emotionally exhausting ride. Winning stepchildren over will require a lot of your patience and your love.

Find a common ground

One of the easiest ways of getting close to children is through common interests. Try to find some common grounds and try to relate to them in that level. For instance, if you have stepchildren who are in high school, you can try to be close to them by helping them plan for their prom. Plan shopping trips. If you are into fashion, help them pick out prom dresses. Younger stepchildren are easier to deal with because they are more apt to give their affection to people and they don’t have much reservations.

Still, you can try to get close to them by helping them with their assignments. Use the talents and interests that you have. For instance, if you are good in Mathematics, do some tutorials. If you are into arts, accompany them to summer art school.

Spend time with them

You are still getting to know each other and still trying to be comfortable with each other. It is important then that you spend time with them as much as your schedule can allow. You will never be able to win them over if you are always out of the house. Although one does not expect you to leave your job and be with them 24/7, you should still make an effort to find time to spend with them.

Try to attend school functions and events. Watch them in their school plays. They will appreciate your presence and support even if they don’t show it. The family can set a weekly schedule where you will all go out and eat out.