DATING WHILE THE DIVORCE IS NOT YET FINAL
By BreakUpAdviceOnline.com Staff
Girl meets boy. Girl falls in love with boy. Girl and boy get married and think they’ll live happily ever after. They do actually live happily together for a while. Then girl and boy start fighting constantly. Then girl and boy stop fighting and talking to each other all together. Not long after, girl and boy get divorced. End of story.
Unfortunately for some couples that have found their marriage take the divorce path, the story doesn’t simply end there. Having had children sort of complicates the situation a bit more. In some instances, while the divorce proceedings are not yet final and the child is at a certain age, you can not simply pack up and leave. You will have to live under the same roof with your estranged husband until the divorce proceedings are final.
Sometimes, these things take time and in the meantime, it may be difficult to cope with the arrangement of just waiting for the divorce to become final. What may be especially challenging is when you’re ready to move on and date other people while the divorce proceedings are not yet in place. This creates a potentially sticky situation of you dating while still in the old domestic situation.
Although it is just proper that you pick up your life after the end of the marriage and move on, there are a few things that you need to keep in mind to enjoy a peaceful transition that will be beneficial to all involved.
Even before you and your soon to be ex-husband filed for divorce, you should have already talked to your child and made sure that he understood what was happening. In instances of divorce, it usually takes its toll on the child or children because it may take them by surprise and take away their sense of security. Assuming that you and your spouse have been discreet with the fights and disagreements, your child may not be aware of the extent of the gap in your marriage. Also, children have a tendency to over simply and may not be able to comprehend the intricacies of how marriages fall apart.
It is important to make sure that your child or children do not become casualties of you’re your divorce. You were a consenting adult when you married your spouse and you also whole heartedly agreed to a divorce some time later but your child was not part of any of this. It is important to realize that.
Now, assuming that your child or children understand and have accepted the divorce, it’s time to think about how to explain that you’re ready to start dating other people.
If you think your child or children may be a little too fragile to handle the impact of you dating other people already even before the divorce proceedings are final and all this while you are still staying in the same roof with your spouse, it may be best to just hold out on seeing other people. After all, it may actually be too soon and you may find yourself in a similar situation a few years down the line.
Assuming though that you are really ready to start dating and don’t want to feel like you have to put your life on hold in the interim, you may think of being discreet about your dating so as not to upset your child or children. Although this may work if you’re not really dating anyone seriously and just testing the waters, this won’t be such a good idea if the person you are dating is for actually serious and may be for another long-term relationship.
It will be important to not take your child and children by surprise. Perhaps they will be confused and feel betrayed when after the divorce you suddenly have this other fixture in your life that they need to get used to.
Perhaps what’s best is to slowly get the child or children used to the idea of you dating even while the divorce is not final. There will be no need to bring your child or children along on the date. But perhaps it would be good to make sure that your date picks you up at home so that he can meet your child or children. It might also help to have your spouse support you on this and show to your child or children that this process is normal.
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