COMMITMENT BEYOND THE QUESTION OF LOVE
By BreakUpAdviceOnline.com Staff
It is puzzling to see a friend with a reputation of being a good teammate, companion and confidante… coping with 10th love breakup. Quite an irony! What makes a relationship different from a friendly affair? Commitment.
Confusion only happens when there is an imaginary overlapping boundary that one can’t distinguish from the other. In a breaking of a relationship, a person experiences a lot of confusion about it because of the overlapping of emotions involved. A friendly relationship will never be the same as any love affair, though both can have deep impact. Both will vary because a love affair involves sex and its complexity.
Viewing sex in the society has many faces. In a spiritual sense, it could go as philosophical as one may tend to describe, but it can be as functionally basic as procreation. That’s it. Two people face the highest, mental spiritual merging of souls in marriage, vows in front of the society as man and wife, indulge in adventurous experimentation of marital eroticism during honeymoon, then procreates. No matter how deep or shallow one looks into the union of two persons, it will be a complex merging of emotions, both private beings exposing and giving one’s soul. Then the civilization goes on. To what extent it will merge?
It will all be complicated as years go by, when the dreams and endeavors have been shared and sealed by the legalities of the law of marriage. It is intact that way, IF ONLY it will linger that way! Many succeeded out of tolerance that has been made manageable for many years. Out of cooperation and hard work combined with the changing definition of love. Many have made it to golden anniversary. But a person’s unique attributes and social heredity will not always synchronize with the other. Each married couple will sacrifice by executing 50% of each full desires to meet halfway with the other. Sometimes, one will give too much or will take too much. The amount of intolerable sacrifice leads to breakup. It will leave two individuals confused about many realities.
How confused couple could get on the onset of breakup?
More or less, after a breakup, one gets confused about the series of guilt and different emotions. It starts when one ceased the activities of being single and started a rigorous teamwork with someone in the umbrella of family life, it is becomes a routine that the brain tends to master in time. Being in love is in itself vague and hard to define. When years of struggle where hate becomes the same intensity as love, the confusion extends even after breakup. Love and hate dominates the emotion that either one destroys the other or not. An example is when the cause of breakup is the man battering the wife, the woman still clings to the man out of guilt that she may be the cause of the man’s violent actions. She should or could have hated him, but the feeling of love and dependency still imprisons her. The confusion of being committed out of “should” and “must” has made everything unbearable: that love must have this and that to linger. On the contrary, the woman could have retaliated and killed the husband. Even she spends all her life in prison of out of it, she will be haunted by the combination of love and hate as to why she hurt the person she loved before…
If only marriage, being in love and having family does not involve children, then it is easier to get out and find a new life. A breakup after all the faces of marriage has taken stride is a big mess. The biggest confusion will be: should the relationship be kept for the sake of the kids, or should it be stopped now before it could do more harm? It is whether to cling or not to cling, to go on with or without the feeling. If the commitment must go on, how long will it go without love?
In breaking up, the confusing boundaries are: commitment out of responsibility and the need to end the commitment because of the further harm it inflicts. This puts pressure on every relationship. Legally, marriage is purely partnership in status that it can only be solved by a divorce. This is the convenient way of alleviating the conjugal pain, to give each person a decent justice. But can it heal the confusion of breakup?
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